WeKnowSFA

22nd Nov2009

Smeaton: New Scotland boss

by WeKnowSFA

Scotland needs a new hero.

The mood of the nation is at an all-time low and yet another major tournament is passing us by. What can be done to bring life back to Scottish football and give the working man and woman something to look forward to?

It may seem like a left-field appointment but there are a number of reasons why John Smeaton is the ideal candidate to replace George Burley:

Media friendly.
One of the main reasons why Burley never succeeded in the Scottish role was that the media were never fully behind him. For the Scottish manager to be given some breathing space, they need to be able to play the game with the tabloids, the information source for the majority of Scottish football fans.

As Smeato has a column in The Sun, he is already tapped into the mindset of the common Scottish football fan and speaks the language of the men who would set out to break him. Sure, James Traynor as a Record man would carry on the agenda he had against Burley but at least fellow Sun men like Bill Leckie would be on message.

And if you don’t think Smeato is the man for the media aspect, think of his ability to coin a good soundbite:

Thanks to sc0ttish

Locality
One of the major issues for Gordon Smith and Peat is that the Scottish manager lives in Scotland. Supposedly this was the major issue that ruled out Graeme Souness for the last post but this wont be an issue for Smeato.

Who better to oversee the revolution of Scottish football than a local lad sleeping on a single bed in his mum and dad’s house. This is the sort of relaxed home setting that will put the new boss at ease and ready to focus on his work.

A preference for light work
The day to day running of a club side wouldn’t be of any use to John. As he pointed out in his recent BBC documentary, his asthma prevents himself from committing to what is seen as a regular work pattern. Therefore, the more relaxed nature of international management will be a perfect arrangement for the bold Smeato.

Knows when not to attack
One problem with Burley is that he tried to make the national team too expansive. The Scottish teams under Walter Smith and Alex McLeish found fortune by playing a containing game and picking teams off at the right moment. There is a knack of making it seem as though you do a lot of attacking when really you are doing nothing of the sort.

This is something which John Smeaton is an expert in, having built his entire fame around allegedly attacking a terrorist when in reality he was more likely to be watching on whilst finishing his cigarette.

He is pro-Rangers
With Smeato making it clear he is a Teddy Bear there will be none of this banning players for “boys being boys” or not picking Boydy due to him having the movement of a lamp-post. Keeping the Rangers players sweet will keep the media sweet, thereby helping Smeaton to buy himself some time with the Fourth Estate.

Understands illness
Any Scottish manager will have to deal with unfortunate call-offs, with some of these call-offs looking very suspicious with regards to timing of club duties. This was one of the factors that finished off Burley but Smeaton will be able to judge the situation better.

After all, there were many suspicions raised about Smeato’s “near death experience” just at the time he was supposed to give evidence about his actual involvement in the terrorist incident at Glasgow Airport. That’s the sort of call-off that would have even the most Celtic or Rangers fan thinking that things weren’t quite right.

So as you can see, Smeato is clearly the man for the job. In fact, the only negative thing that stands in his way is if that nasty Bernard Ponsonby ditches political journalism and moves into Scottish football journalism:

Thanks to The News Watcher